A Little Dragon
by Abird51
Summary: Kaida:Little dragon. Daughter of Ryoko:Dragon. Cute, no? Kay's life is not a fairy tale. It's a wonderful mess. Heartbreak, hardship, first kisses, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Trials and tribulations. Friendship, lose, and lust. Enough key words in there yet? This is a story not only about loving others but finding love for yourself. This is her life. GaaraXOC.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Starting Block

 _"_ _I believe that the greatest gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you"_

-Joyce Meyer

My name is Kaida. My mom always called me Kay. It's stuck with me and now that's what I go by. Kay. Just Kay. This is my story. My life story. It isn't simple and it isn't gradious. It's messy and complicated and silly and depressing and rewarding. It's my life. I know that some thing's won't make sense and that some people may disagree with how I acted or how I perceived things. Every mistake, every lesson, every broken heart, and every time I succeeded created the path I walked until the day I died. My life isn't perfect but it is mine. I'm already rambling and I've barely started. I am the product of my family, my friends, my lovers, my teachers, and my rivals. I lived my life the best way I knew how. So let me start at the beginning:

My mom's name was Ryoko and she was a traveling artist. She roamed across the wind country and preformed with her troop. They did interpretive dance shows, preformed plays, painted large murals and basically did whatever they wanted. She was wild and free, living for the moment and never apologizing for it. Until she gave birth to me outside the gates of Sunagakure. She couldn't make it to the hospital so she just popped me out where she laid. That's how she told me the story. She said she danced and acted and traveled through her pregnancy. As a result, I was born way earlier then I should have been. Mom said she doesn't like to live with regrets but wishes she had cared for me more before I was born.

See, I nearly died the second I slipped through my mom's loins. I was blue and would not cry. Once I was taken to the hospital, my mom was told I had a congenital heart defect. The only way to fix it was open heart surgery and a traveling artist could not afford to pay for open heart surgery. So, mom took me back to the caravan and tried to treat me with love and holistic remedies. After about a year of traveling around with a little baby, my mom felt the urge to settle down. She was torn between her freedom and finding a safe home for little me. During a trip to Konohagakure, my mom met my daddy.

Now, I've never met my biological father. My mom only told me about him once. She said he had eyes like me, black with thick lashes. She said I had his hair, thick and unruly inky locks, and his round face. She said my biological father was a free spirit, like my mom. He seduced her with expensive liquor and a constant spontaneity that never failed to surprise her. My daddy was nothing like that. My mom was fire and my daddy was cold marble; my mom escaped her family at the age of 14 and my daddy lived and cared for his mother and father until he died. My daddy was clean cut, white bread, and introverted. But he was also supportive, hard-working, and fercily devoted to the gypsy women he fell in love with. My mom needed stability for me, some place safe to raise me and keep me healthy. She had to make the choice between my needs and her free spirited soul. My mom locked herself in a cage for me and I will never be able to repay her for that. Don't get me wrong, she loved my daddy and they married only a few months after they met, but I know she was never meant to be a wife or a mom. My daddy had a good job at the police station and my mom was able to work part time at a small tea shop to make ends meet. She spent most of her days with me.

She settled us into the house with my daddy, Uchiha Naoto, and his parents. Yup, Uchiha. Somehow my mother married into the Uchiha family. She was not very welcome into the family line. My daddy was cousins with Fugaku and I was therefore cousins by marriage to Sasuke and Itachi. Yup. I was very much overshadowed by the genius of my cousins. Itachi, as I remember, was kind hearted and adored his baby brother Sasuke, who was closer to me in age but also kind of a brat. He made fun of me when I could not keep up with him in races and games. Itachi usually looked at me with this pitiful smile. I was not real family to them. My mom and I always felt like outsiders during family events. My daddy was an important field officer for the police force and he and my grandpa and cousin Fugaku would drink and share stories about their days on the force. My mom would hold me on her lap to comfort me and I would try my best to make sure she knew she was not alone. My mom and I bonded over feeling like an outsider in our own family. My daddy did his best to include me but I knew I did not belong.

My childhood up until the age of five, from what I can remember, consisted of morning walks with my mom and grandpa before mom went to the tea shop, spending mornings with my grandmother painting and eating fruit with my grandpa. My mom would leave books for my grandparents to read to me when she was at work. When she was home, she would take me to the park to play on the swings or to the training grounds to watch the shinobi train. I remember getting tired so easily, feeling dizzy, and spending a lot of time in the house and my bed. My grandma would make me tea. I spent the afternoon waiting for my daddy to come home. My mom and I would make dinner for my grandparents and my daddy would come home tired. He did not smile much but he always gave me the same greeting:

"Hello my little pixie." I'd run into his arms, he'd pick me up and lift me above his head. He'd kiss my cheek and put me down before taking off his police outfit and greeting my grandparents and mom.

My grandpa wanted me to train with him to become a shinobi. My grandmother and mother had their fears and did not allow me to physically train with my grandpa. He taught me basic skills a shinobi would need: listening, sneaking, thinking "like the enemy," and he worked with me on my hand eye coordination. My daddy told me once that I can be whatever I wanted to be, but I saw it in his eyes. He feared for me. He watched my faint from just running home from the park and saw how easily fatigued I became from simple play wrestling. I heard him and my grandpa talking late one night. My grandpa was worried I would not amount to a great shinobi, my daddy said that it was fine. My grandpa was not convinced, he pressed him: "I know you wanted a strong child to carry on our bloodline. Maybe you and Ryoko can have another child, one that is yours." My daddy was quiet and then agreed. He said that him and mom had thought about having another baby. He said: "Kaida is my daughter. Nothing will change that. She will not be a great shinobi, this is true. I believe she will be great in other ways. She has a kind heart, even if it is a broken one. I have often felt sad for her, worried for her, but that's not her fault. She smiles every day, even when she feels like she is dying. That is strength."

My daddy wanted a strong child but was stuck with me as a result of a rushed marriage to a gypsy woman who gave up her freedom for me. And that was it. That's where I started. I'm not sure if that made any sense. It is difficult to piece together much about my first five years since my memories from that time are blurred and unreliable.

As I aged I did not become stronger like my mom had hoped. She found herself taking more and more time off to stay with me. When I would run in the park I would feel dizzy and sick, I would hyperventilate from the panic of feeling my heart beat erratically in my chest. My fingertips would turn blue from the deoxidation of my blood. I would get splitting headaches. My daddy would cradle me while my head throbbed and whisper hurriedly to my mom: "What can we do?" My mom would shrug, helpless, and wipe my forehead with a cold compress. Thinking back, I remember feeling guilty that I made my parents sad. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be a free spirit like my mom and dance naked under the dessert sun. I wanted to be a strong shinobi like my daddy and carry on the family bloodline. But I couldn't. I could barely complete basic training with my grandpa. I would look up to my daddy and mom. I would cry because I could never be good enough. Crying made the headache worse which made me cry more.

I remember a white room and the clean smell of alcoholic antiseptic. The lights burned my eyes. An old man in a white coat sat and spoke to mom and daddy. Mom pet my head.

"I have a sister in Suna. The dry air and warmth could help her?"

"Maybe it could. She needs surgery to truly heal. There are risks and it may not return her to a normal heart function but it will give her a higher quality of life."

"But she could die. No, no surgery."

"Ryoko, please. She's our daughter."

"No. No, she's my daughter. I want her to spend some time in the dessert. Gain more strength and then she can come back to us. If she's stronger she'll do better in surgery, she'll recover better."

There was mumbling. Daddy sighed and walked out of the room. The doctor nodded. My mom fed me ice chips and the nurse gave me an air mask to help me breath, make the headache stop.

I remember the day before I left for Suna. My daddy cradled me in his arms and my mom pet my head.

Mom: "My sister, Auntie Rini, she lives in the dessert. That's where you were born. That's where I'm from."

Me: "Oh, I know that mama."

Mom: "I know, I know. You're going to be staying with them for a little bit. The climate in Suna will make it easier for you to become strong. It will help your breathing and your heart. You'll be able to train with cousin Hikaru. You remember him, right? *I nod* Okay good, he's very excited to meet you! He only saw you as a baby. Once you get nice and strong you'll come back home!"

Me: "Oh, okay. Aren't you and daddy coming with me?"

Mom just looks at me and bites her lip. I look up to my daddy. His eyes are glassy.

Me: "Daddy?"

My daddy sighs and my mom takes me out of his arms and hugs me.

Mom: "I'm sorry sweetie. Daddy and I are not coming with you. Daddy has to work and you know grandma is sick. I have to stay here and help. But this is your big adventure! You get to see new places and meet new people. You'll get to really know the other half of your family! You'll be okay!"

Me: "B-but I don't want to go alone. I'll miss you. I don't want to go! I want to stay with you! I don't want to leave. I hate the dessert!" I'm crying now, coughing and sniffling snot. Mom cups my face.

Mom: "You are such a brave little girl! You are going to be okay! You'll come back to me and daddy so much stronger! That's what you want right? To be healthy? * I hiccup and nod* Right! This will help! Auntie and Hikaru won't let anything happen to you. We'll write and maybe daddy and I can come visit!"

Daddy: "You'll be okay my little pixie. We love you so much."

I look between my mom and my daddy. I feel my heart tug. I know this is what they want. Me to be healthy and strong. I don't like to see them like this. I wipe my eyes

Me: "Okay. I love you too."

Mom and daddy hug me and kiss me. They help me pack the rest of the day. My daddy gave me a new teddy bear and mom gave me a family picture in a frame. Grandpa gives me kiss and grandma gave me a small tin full of tea leaves. My mom laid in my bed with me after I packed. She rubbed my back. I told her I was going to become stronger. Mom told me about her travel stories and her dreams. I told her I did not know what I wanted to do yet. She told me that it was okay. I told her I wanted to make friends. She told me if I could make at least one good friend that it would be enough. I told her I was scared. She said she was too. We stayed up until the sun rose and gently shone through the curtains. We ate breakfast as a family. Daddy brought my bag outside. I stepped out into the sun. I had on cotton shorts and a tank top. My hair was pulled back into a pony tail. I felt my face flush as I thought about all the uncertainty that laid ahead of me and all the shame I felt weighing on my shoulders. I wanted to be good enough for my parents. They have given up so much for me. It was my turn to make a sacrifice. I loved my mom and daddy. I was going to become stronger. I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach as my sandals crunched the gravel under my feet.

Daddy: "Are you ready?"

I nodded. He bent down to my eye level. He kissed my forehead.

Daddy: "I am very proud of you."

Me: "I'll get stronger. I'll be a strong shinobi."

Daddy: "That is a good goal. I just want you to be healthy, pixie. I would love for you to be a shinobi."

Me: "I want to be."

Daddy: "If you change your mind, that's okay too. It takes more than shinobi to run a village."

I was surprised to hear that. I took a second to digest what he said. I could be something important that was not a shinobi?

Me: "What else is there?"

Daddy: "Well…um. Lots of things really."

Mom: "Hikura will be here soon." Daddy stood up and smiled. Mom sighed and kneeled down to kiss me. She stood and leaned her head on my daddy's shoulder. They had been fighting a lot. I was glad to see them together.

I took a second to look up at my parents. My mom had thick sandy hair and dark eyes. She had deep eye bags from sleepless nights and frown lines creasing her face. She was shorter then daddy, with a thin frame and narrow face. She was beautiful but tired. I think of her dancing and how graceful she is. I think of how warm her smile makes me feel. My daddy is taller than my mom. He has short brown hair and a stoic face. He had broad shoulders and a thick waist. He looked at me with constant worry in his eyes. It made me feel like a burden to him. But he smiled lightly and told me he loved me and everything was okay. This was my family. My starting block.

Mom turned quickly to the sound of tires on gravel.

"Oh, here is Hikura!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Serendipity

 _"_ _Some of the greatest things, as I understand, they have come about by serendipity…"_

-Alan Alda

"Oh, here is Hikura!"

I turn to look down the gravel road and see a young man on a bike round the corner. He was stood on a bike with large, thick tires. He glided across the gravel before sliding to a stop in front of our house and dismounting his bike. I looked up, my eyes wide. My mom told me that my cousin was a Jonin. A strong shinobi who walks toward discord and faces death each time he leaves the village. I expected him to be battle scared, lost in constant mental anguish, and never able to smile or let down his guard. But this was not Hikura. He stepped off his bike and kicked down the brake.

"Well hello there little one! Good morning Aunt Ryoko, Uncle Naoto. I hope I didn't keep you waiting." He smiled down at me with a huge grin. The kind that crinkled his eyes and showed his teeth. He had a narrow face and a tall build. His tan skin was glistening with sweat and his hazel eyes shown with life. Like he was constantly excited just to be alive. He had sandy blonde hair, like my mom, that he slicked back under a headband. He is wearing a thin long sleeved shirt, baggy black cargo pants, and thick strapped black sandals. He has thick eye brows.

My mom smiles and steps around me to hug him. I step back. My dad reaches out to shake his hand. They talk briefly. I look up, feeling like I was on the outside. I wanted to know this man in front of me. He seemed so different from what I had imagined, like an older brother I never had. I feel embarrassed for some reason. While my mom is telling him about my blood pressure regulation medication, his eyes flash down to me and he smiles again.

"Hey, I never introduced myself!" Hikura kneeled down and out stretched his hand to me. "I haven't seen you since you were a little baby so you probably don't remember me. You're so big now! I'm your cousin Hikura. Well, today I'm not only your cousin but also your chuffer to the village hidden in the dessert." I blink at him and he chuckles. "Okay now you tell me your name."

I slowly reach out my hand and he grasps it gently. "I'm Kaida." I say meekly, still unsure of this cousin of mine. "B-but you can call me Kay." His face lights up. He scoops me up in his arms and I feel my stomach flip as I am suddenly so high above the ground, wrapped safely in his strong arms. I blinked at him again and he laughed.

"Kay it is! Hello there! We have a long trip ahead of us. This bike will be your new home for the next day and a half" He gestured grandly to the beat-up bike with thick tires. There was a small child seat soldered to the back of the bike. There was a child sized helmet in the seat on top of a think looking blanket. There was a basket on the front of the bike that held a small bag and a folded up paper map.

"A day and a half?" My mom asked while furrowing her brow.

"Is this safe? It looks rusty." My daddy crossed his arms and eyed the bike.

Hikura smiled and turned back to my parents, adjusting me in his arms. "Well, this bike is a special one, made specifically for riding through the desert sands. I knew Kay would not be able to travel for three days through forest and dessert terrain. I also knew I couldn't carry her through the terrain and expect to be back home before we run out of supplies. So, I borrowed a bike from my friend, stuck on a seat and made it here in about two days. Heading back should take less time since I won't be traveling into new territory." He looked between my parents, trying to gauge their reaction. My mom shrugged and my daddy eyed the bike warily. I peeked over Hikura's shoulder to try to get one more glance at the bike and I am surprised as I find myself being placed on my feet. Hikura looks down at me and reassures me with a nod that "everything will be fine."

My mom sighed and shifted her feet. She was uncomfortable but I was not sure why. "Do you have enough supplies? Let me go grab you some more food." Mom turned around and quickly walked back into the house. My stomach turned. Maybe she would change her mind and I could stay. Maybe she was just uncomfortable around her old family? My train of thought is cut off by my daddy telling me to go help my mom while he and Hikura loaded up the bike. Hikura's smile dropped as I started to walk away.

"So, you're a Jonin?" I hear my daddy's voice as I walk into the house. I walk down the hall to the kitchen and see my mom leaning her hands on the counter. She looks lost in thought so I try to walk over quietly. I didn't want to startle her. I hear her sniffle and realize she was shaking ever so slightly.

"Mama?" She turns to me quickly before turning her back to me. She was wiping her eyes. I only saw her for a second but her face was burned into my memory. Her eyes were red rimmed and I saw the tears trace glistening lines down her face. She sniffed again and turned back to me.

"Oh, Kay! Don't sneak up on me! Here..." She handed me a canvas bag filled with a small wooden boxes and small bags of dried fruit. "I made rice and tuna rolls. I also packed some beef dumplings for you. Heat them over a fire if you want. There's enough for four meals for both of you."

She looks down at me and I can't tell what emotion she is feeling. I can't decipher the way her eyes flash and how her face drops. She was the one sending me away so I can get strong enough for a surgery she is too afraid to authorize. I look up with her. My stomach swirls with a storm of emotions I did not know the name at the time. Looking back, I was angry. I resented my mom for sending me away. I was resentful she was not brave enough to take the risks and let me stay. She was making it harder for me and I was the one who was sick. I was angry that she and my daddy had been fighting and no one once asked my opinion. Anger mixed with fear of the unknown. I now had to not only travel to a completely different land but also mix with a new family. I had to work myself into a new dynamic and I was not ready to do that. I had trouble making friends at home because I was always too tired to play. I felt sadness. I was going to miss my family and the only home I'd ever know. The swift waves of emotions made me nauseous. I blinked back tears and bite the inside of my cheek. My mom furrowed her brows and squatted down to meet my eyes. She cupped my face and smiled weakly.

"You're a brave little girl. You will be okay. I'm sorry that it happened this way. I just want what's best for you." My mom's smiled dropped as tears started to roll down my cheeks. I felt my face flush hot with embarrassment and anger.

"If you don't want me to go then why am I going? This isn't fair! Just let me have the surgery and I'll be fine. I can stay here!" I feel my voice rise as my mom drops her hands from my face. "I'm not scared! I don't have to leave! I don't want to leave!" My mom stands up.

"I am your mother and this is what is best for you. If you'd face death so easily then moving to a new village shouldn't be too difficult. We've kept Hikura waiting." She bends down, takes the bag out of my hands and walks past me as I hiccup, trying to swallow my anger. I take a few ragged breaths and turn to follow her. She is my mom. What choice do I have but to follow what she says? I step out of the house and into the sun.

"You understand what you are doing right?" My daddy's voice is low and rushed.

"Yes sir." That is Hikura's voice. Confident but respectful.

"Here is some food." My mom hands Hikura the bag and he places it in the basket. My bags are strapped to the sides of the bike. My daddy turns around to look at me. He kneels down to my height and I can only see one emotion in his eyes. Sadness. He opens his arms and I walk into him. He squeezes me tight and whispers that he loves me. I close my eyes and try to memorize what his hug feels like. I feel a hand on my head and feel my mom's face on the side of mine. She inhales deeply and kisses me on the side of my head. She tells me she loves me and I try to memorize her voice. I nozzle my face into my daddy's shoulder. I feel him let go and I turn to hug my mom. She squeezes me tightly and tells me to be brave. She tells me she'll write. She lets go and both my parents stand up. I turn to look up at them and say I love you. Before the words leave my mouth, my mom smiles and says, "I know, sweetie." I feel a hand on the top of my head and I look above me. Hikura smiles down at me.

"Are we all ready to go? I only want to spend one night in the dessert if we can help it." Hikura out stretched his hand and my daddy grasped it firmly. They shared a strong handshake before he went in to hug my mom. He turned back to me and scooped me up under my arms to place me in the child seat. He straps me in around my waist and fits the small helmet over my head, squishing down my pony tail. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to settle my heart rate. I turn my head to my parents one last time. My daddy had his arm around my mom. She's leaning her head on his shoulder. I feel the tears well up behind my eyes again. I try to tell myself to be brave for them. I bite the inside of my cheek and give my parents a thumbs up. I realize my hands are a little shaky from all the turbulent emotions. My mom smiles and returns the gesture, tears in her eyes. Eventually I was able to forgive her, let my anger go. She was only doing what she thought would save me. How could she have known the true outcomes?

Hikura mounts the bike and waves back to my parents. "I'll write you as soon as we get back so you know she's okay! Kaida, give that strap a good tug." I comply and he smiles. "Then we are all set! By Aunt Rini, Uncle Ryoto!" He kicked back the brakes and we lurch forward with a powerful push of Hikura's legs. I gasp as we begin to speed away from my house, my family, and toward a new start. I turned one last time to see my mom frantically waving. They both disappear around the bend.

Konoha flies past me in colorful flashes. The wind from our speed whips my face, pulling back my eye lids and lips. I try to settle my stomach as the butterflies flutter feverishly. The adrenaline pumps in my ears as the feeling of speeding through the village exhilarates me. The feeling begins to fade as I start to take notice of the images passing me by. There goes the park, the tea shop mom works at, down a cramped alley way, past the food stands my grandma walked me to, the school, down past houses, racing past pedestrians, weaving around food stalls and children playing. We make it to the gate. Hikura slows down and fumbles around with something in his bag. We stop as a young shinobi approaches us. Hikura puts on the brakes and attempts to balance the bike between his leg while interacting with the young shinobi.

"That was fast." The shinobi drones. "Can I see your papers?"

"Okay, I was just here like an hour ago but okay okay, here they are." Hikura smiles, crinkling his eyes, and hands some wrinkled papers to the shinobi. Hikura looks over his shoulder and winks at me. "That was quiet a ride, hu? How are you doing back there Kaida?"

"It's Kay." I say, deadpan.

"Okay good to hear!" Hikura turns his attention back to the shinobi who was reading through the papers. "Nothing has changed since I was here last, friend." I feel my stomach flip again.

"Hey." I said, but Hikura continued to look at the shinobi, debating the need to have entrance and exit pass checks. "No!" I said a bit louder. Hikura was taking his papers back from the shinobi. Was he deaf? Why is he ignoring me? "HEY!" I yell. He turned to me, startled. He furrows his brows and chuckled awkwardly.

"No need to yell, what's wrong?" His smile doesn't reach his eyes. I feel bad for yelling. It wasn't his fault I was stuck here with him. It wasn't his fault he doesn't know my name. I blush and look down.

"You called me Kaida. My mom calls me Kay. I'm Kay." I mumble. Hikura makes a strange "Oh" noise and I look back up at him sheepishly.

He chuckles, "You're right. You told me that. I will call you Kay then. Is that okay, Kay?" I nod. "Good! Glad we were able to settle that! I don't want you to have any reason to not like me already!" Hikura stuffs the papers back into his front basket and says good bye to the shinobi before turning back to me. "Okay we are going to ride until we get to the dessert. It will take about the rest of the day. I'll try not to make it too bumpy but I would like to be in familiar territory by the time the sun goes down. It will be real windy for me up front so if you need anything at all, pee break, snack break, anything, you gotta yell very loudly. If I don't answer yell again. If that doesn't work by the third time, kick my back. Alright?" I nod. "Great." He sucks in a deep breath and kicks back the brakes. We lean to the left and he works the bike up to speed. "And away we go!" He speeds off into the woods protecting Konoha. I turn around to get one last glance of the village and watch until the gates shrink away into a screen of green and brown.

The rest of the day I spend with my head leaned back in the seat to avoid the wind burning my eyes. I continually brace myself for the violent jerks of the bike as we glide across the forest floor. I watch as the sea of green rushes over me in waves. The canopy of the forest is every shade of green. I watch as rays of light dart past as we maneuver our way through the forest. I listen to the sound of the birds, the rush of wind in my ears. The emotions in my stomach settle and I feel calmer then I had in a long time. I can breathe evenly and my heart beat has slowed, no longer attempting to escape my ribs. When I lay in bed due to exhaustion to headaches, I am not calm. I am bored. An unsettling feeling of restlessness and in ability to motivate myself to move. A constant uncomfortable ache in my body and a mind racing with thoughts. But here, on the bike, I felt calm. My mind was quiet and I was able to push back the emotions that had overwhelmed me hours earlier.

The trees around us began to become sparser and more spread out. The ride became smoother as the forest floor gave way to grass. Finally, we came to the edge of the forest and faced an open field. The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky orange and pink and purple. Brushes of reds and yellows reach out across the sky. It is quieter as we travel across the field. We quickly come to the end of the field. Out before use, a great dessert stretches as far as the eye can see. The yellow sand glistens under the setting sun. The wind begins to whip around my face, blowing sand into my mouth and eyes. As the tires hit the sand, the bike abruptly slows down and I watch as Hikura, stands to push hard against the new terrain. With a flick of his thumb, he turns the gear shift on the handle of the bike. The bike clicks as the gears shift and suddenly we are flying through the sand, smoothly. I try to peek over Hikura's shoulder to see beyond what is on the side of me. I accidently kick him. He begins to slow the bike down as he turns to look at him, looking like he just remembered I was with him.

"Sorry! Accident!" I called out. I saw Hikura smile reach his eyes. He gave me a thumbs up.

We speed through the dessert until the sunsets. I keep my eyes shut to avoid the sand. I feel my face scrunch. As the sun sets I feel the chill set in around me. The wind blows through me and I shiver. I feel the bike slow to a stop before I open my eyes. Hikura has us stopped behind a large rock jutting out of the sand. It creates a shelter for us to sit under to escape the chill and the sand. He kicks the brakes on and gently balances the bike between his legs. He twists his torso as much as he could to unbuckle me. I take off my helmet and he gently lifts me out of the seat to set me on my feet. He maneuvers himself over the bike and gently leans it on the rock wall. He takes a large bag out of the basket and unhooks my mom's canvas bag from the front of his basket. He places them on the ground and begins to rummage through his large black bag. He takes out two thin blankets, stops for a moment to furrow his brow and mutter to himself, and turns to pick up the blanket I had been sitting on. He places the blanket on the ground with the other two. Next he takes out a few tiny logs and a long match box. He sets the wood in a small pit dug into the sand and lights the match. The fire roars to life and the heat warms my skin. He takes out two metal bottles and he reaches back into his bag. I take a few steps backwards to the rock. I feel my stomach burn. I want to be like him. I want to know what I am doing. I don't like feeling helpless. I bite my lip and all the sadness from leaving home floods back.

Don't you cry. I bite my lip harder. He is a strong shinobi, he won't cry. I see my mom and daddy's faces. The smell of the fire reminds me of the barbeque dinners we took daddy to for his birthday. He always ate too many ribs. I let down my guard and I was crying. I felt the warm tears glide down my face and drip off my jaw. I try to wipe them quickly so Hikura wouldn't see. I was too late. He was staring at me, bent over his bag. He moved the bag to the side and took a step towards me. I jumped backwards, he surprised me with his attempt to reach me. I smacked my head on the rock. I let out a yelp and I felt my tears turn into haggard sobs. I was so tired and I was so sad.

His face fell and he jumped to my side. He placed his hand on the back of my head and gently rubbed it, pulling me away from the rock with his other hand. He shh'ed me gently. I looked up to him. He was smiling at me with compassion in his eyes. This was not what I expected a Jonin to act like.

"Alright, take a breath. We've been travelling a lot today. You didn't ask to stop once. That was my fault, I should have remembered how young you are. You need breaks!" He chuckled weakly. "I promised your mommy I'd get you there in one piece! You must be exhausted. Is your head okay?" His voice was quiet and sweet. It was comforting to me. He wiped the tears from my eyes and I gave him a weak yes. He smiled.

"Good, good." His hands left me and he leaned back to grab my mom's canvas bag. "How about we see what types of goodies mommy packed us! Do you need to use the bathroom first?" I was surprised by this question but nodded in response. I didn't realize but I had been holding in my pee since we left the forest. I looked around me quickly, scanning my surroundings. I felt a wave of panic flood my tired muscles. Hikura thoughtfully looked around the area and then back to me. He saw my wide-eyed face and laughed lightly. "Don't worry, I'll show you how!" A strange emotion passes over Hikura's face. Maybe he had just realized what he had gotten himself into.

Hikura helps me use the "bathroom." It was just as awkward as you'd image a stranger helping you pee would be. But he handled it was grace and an air of humor. He showed me the proper way to set up a fire, it has to be stacked the right way or it'll burn too quickly. He laid out blankets for us to sit on and we finished my mom's packed dinners.

"Oh man, I haven't had fried rice like that in a while." Hikura leans back and lets out a loud burp "Whoops! Excuse me!" He laughs and I can't help but giggle. He isn't anything like I expected. He seems kind hearted and helps me feel a little bit better about leaving my family. He catches me staring at him. "What's up?" I look down at my empty box.

"There's dried fruit in the bag too, may I have some?" I ask, gesturing to the canvas bag next to him. He blinked at me and nodded. He turned to the bag and began to search through it.

"Uhhhh is it this red stuff?" He pulls out a small baggy of dried apricots. He eyed it warily and made a distasteful face. I giggled and he handed me the bag.

"They're apricots! And they're orange." I smile and open the bag, and stick a sweet leathery lump into my mouth. I chew and chew before moving the fruit to my cheek. "Want some?"

"I don't eat fruit. Too much sugary sweetness." He sticks out his tongue and makes a retching noise. We both laugh. I swallow the fruit and look into the fire. There is a pregnant silence as Hikura opens a metal bottle to drink and I smoosh the dried fruit in my hands.

"Hikura?" I start meekly. He quickly turns to me and swallows. He's waiting for me to finish. "What is your mom and dad like?"

He smiles a strange, heavy smile and looks at me. "My dad is great. He's this big bear of a man and a high class shinobi. He does a lot of teaching and training of young children from wealth shinobis so it pays the bills. He's got this deep, deep laugh that rolls through a room. He's not much of a talker but he'll always be by your side when you need him. We've always been close, we train together and he even shed a tear when I became a Jonin. He's a big softy, as cliché as it sounds." I nod, trying to image a bigger version of Hikura with a loud laugh and the same eye crinkling smile.

"That kinda sounds like my daddy." I said softly, "He doesn't talk a lot but he's nice."

"Seems like a lot of dads are like that." Hikura chuckles softly and takes another swig from his bottle before offering it to me. I take it and drink.

"What about your mom?" I ask. I watch Hikura's smile fade and his shoulders sag ever so slightly. He composes himself quickly and looks at me with a smile that does not touch his eyes. He's a shinobi and he's covering up his emotions. He can't fake his smile though and I remembered that.

He sighed. "Let me start with this. My mom has always been a bit…controlling, a bit scared of everything around her. Trying to convince her to let my brother and I join the shinobi forces was a battle to say the least." He chuckles at a memory. I furrow my eyebrows. I didn't know he had a brother. Hikura caught the confused look on my face and sighed. He leaned back and looked up to the sky. "My younger brother died during a mission about two years ago. Since then, she has been 110% more…what's the word…"

"Mama said she is eccentric." Hikura looked back at me and nodded, thinking.

"Yeah, she's gotten more eccentric. That's a good way to put it. She is a bit overprotective and a bit melodramatic if you ask me." He sits up. "Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But she's just gotten so much harder to deal with since Jumbi died. Everyone deals with loss differently but I don't know, she just doesn't seem to be handling it well." He scratches the top of his head. "But don't worry, she'll adore you. She even cleaned out Jumbi's room for you. Nothing in there had been touched for two years but I guess she found a new purpose for it." I blush as weird icy fingers reach up from my gut. I was unsettled that my coming meant that Hikura's brother's presences was being wiped from his house. I felt like I was intruding but I also felt a bit creeped out by the idea of sleeping in a dead man's room. I heard Hikura sigh and looked up to see his face glazed over with some emotion I could not identify.

"I-I'm sorry. About your brother. I can sleep somewhere else." I said quietly. I really was sorry he had lost his brother. I had just left my family and the sting in my heart was so intense it felt like I had really been stabbed. And I only left them to live in a new village. I'd see them again and I could write them. Hikura and his family won't ever see him again. A loss that great is something I couldn't comprehend then. Hikura looked up to me and smiled weakly.

"Don't be silly. It's a risk all us shinobi take. He died defending his village and his fellow shinobi. I am proud of him." He slowly sucked in a breath of air. I was unsure if he was trying to convince me that was how he felt or himself.

"Okay." I stuck another apricot in my mouth. "Can you tell me about the Sand village?"

Hikura's face light up and his smile flashed across his face brightly. He began to paint a picture of a village hidden behind large, staggered walls of stone. The buildings were tan and came in assorted shapes, sizes, and were separated by narrow alley ways and streets. He explained that the people there were tough, most rarely smiled and emotions were not something openly shared as it would expose weakness. He laughed while telling me stories of his neighbors, the pranks he pulled in his youth with other children, and how much his teachers impacted on him. He described the smell of the sand and wind mixed with dried meat and spices. He told me about how the sound of the wind lulled him to sleep when he had trouble closing his eyes. He told me the people were united by a strong sense of loyalty to their village. I sat and listened as best I could. I imagined the city before me, tan and brown and smelling of the desert. I liked the smell of the dessert. It was different from the woods and the humid scents of Konoha. Hikura described some of the village food specialties and I could almost taste the cactus candy and dried fish. I asked him if the people there would accept me.

"Well, Kay. They're people just like everyone else. Just be open to everyone you meet. I don't think there is such a thing as a mean hearted person. Everyone is just doing what they think is right. Don't hold back who you are. I know with me you've been reserved, you're just getting to know me and I took you away from your family. I understand. Lots of emotions, hu?" I nod. "Well, it's part of being human I guess. You'll feel lots of things and sometimes it won't make sense. I don't know if I'm even making any sense. Just be yourself and don't let fear determine your path, okay?" I blink at him. He was telling me to be brave and the people will accept me.

"Wh-what if I'm not brave?" I ask. Hikura yawns and throws another match into the fire before laying on his back on the thin blanket.

"What if you're not brave…" He mumbles to himself. The embers from the fire begin to spark back to life. He lays silently for a moment. I hold my breath. "Well, just fake it until you are brave." I stare at him. That was it? Fake it? "That's what I do." He said sleepily. "You can't always be brave but you can't let on that you're scared. It's complicated."

"So just be brave." I said deadpan. Hikura makes some sort of noise and I sigh. I lay out on my blanket and curl up on my side. We lay in silence for a while. "Your village sounds nice." My voice sounds foreign to me as it cuts through the silent night.

"It's your village now too." Hikura said, sounding wide awake. I wonder if he will sleep tonight. Has he slept at all since he had left the village? I suddenly realize how tired I am. It's my village too. I close my eyes and focus on those words. I drift into sleep.

I wake up to find Hikura sitting on top of the rock, facing the sunrise. He has a serious look on his face as he stares into the distance. My eyes flutter and I fall back to sleep. I wake up again to Hikura lifting me in the bike seat. Everything packed, the fire out, and a bag of dried apricots in my lap. I groaned as he strapped me into the seat. He chuckled.

"Hey, sleepy head! We gotta get moving! Don't want to get stuck out here during the hottest part of the day! Remember to kick me if you need anything." I make some type of noise and I hear him chuckle again. I feel the bike jerk forward a few moments later and the cool wind in my ears lull me back to sleep. I wake up when I feel bike stop. The sun was high in the sky now. Hikura had me drink water and we shared some of my fruit. He made a disgusted face and spit it out, chugging the rest of his water to wash out his tongue.

"That. Is. GROSS." He said as I laughed harder then I should have. The heat and the tired made me loopy. I couldn't stop the laughter bubbling up from my belly. It made Hikura laugh through the concerned lines on his forehead. I caught my breath and Hikura wiped beads of sweat from his forehead.

"We'll be in the village before sundown at this rate. Think we can go no breaks?" I give him a thumbs up and he smiles. "What a little trooper you are." He mounts the bike and we resume our trip.

After hours of nothing but blue skies and sand, I finally see the village looming in the distant horizon. Hikura picks up speed as we come closer and closer to home. He must be so tired and ready to be home. I didn't blame him, I was feeling the same way. We finally made it to the gate and we glided to a stop in front of two intimidating shinobi. Both glared at us as we rolled in.

"Ichi! Rin!" Hikura said cheerily, "I'm back in under 100 hours. One of you owes me some money." The taller one on the left sighed and reached in his pockets to hand Hikura a crumpled bill. Hikura smiled triumphantly. "I'll take you two out for a drink later this week." The two grunted. Hikura started to search through the bag in his front basket to pull out a small ID and a folded piece of paper. "Okay, here is my ID. And here is this little lady's official Suna birth certificate and…" Hikura reached back into his bag and pulled out a bent-up folder, "approved application for family settlement visa." He handed over the folder to the two men. They looked over the papers and handed it a back to Hikura. He stuck his ID in his pocket and my papers in his bag. I should remember to ask him to see my birth certificate. My mom and Aunt had to do so much paper work just so I could like in Suna.

"Be careful riding that…thing in the village." The shorter one on the right said in a crackling voice. Hikura kicked back the brake and nodded.

We rode through the gate and into the village at a speed much slower than we had gone before but still too fast for me to get a good look at anything. Hikura had been dead on with his description. The buildings were all sizes and every shade of brown and tan possible. Maybe everything was so brown to match the dessert sand. The smell in the air was mixed with dessert sand and smoked meat. The air felt warm and dry. The people's chatter blew past me as we traveled down the streets. I tried to take it in as we weaved through streets. Hikura was in familiar territory and he could finally relax. He gracefully glided through the village, picking up speed as we began to travel down hill.

"Oh shit, look out!" Suddenly, we swerved to the left, Hikura tried to stabilize us but we careened down the hill into what seemed like a wall of free standing sand. I didn't have time to look as Hikura lost control of the bike, he jumped to the side as the bike skid out from under him, narrowly missing being pinned by the over packed bike. I screamed, braced for impact and felt myself jerk as I hit the ground. I opened my eyes when the bike stopped and took inventory of my surroundings. I was on my side and I could hear the tires still spinning in the open air. I felt a burn on my forearm and looked to find it bloody and speckled with gravel. I unlatched my safety belt and tumbled to my knees. I looked up. Hikura had not landed gracefully and was trying to get off of the ground, rubbing his forehead. I took off my helmet and set it on the ground. I turned to see what we had hit. My eyes widened.

Directly across from me was a little boy. He looked about my age and he was sitting on his butt, staring at me, eyes wide. Had we hit him? He wasn't injured and he didn't even look that scared, just surprised. There was a small pile of sand shifting around him. I felt the wind gust and stood up. He looked up at me with teal eyes, unmoving. I took a step forward and he just stared at me. I felt an uneasiness in my stomach I had not felt before. Why was I scared? We hit him with a bike, he may be hurt. Be brave. I start to walk towards him with more purpose. See if he's okay and then help Hikura. I was in front of him. I reached out my hand.

"Are you okay? We ran you over." I looked down at him. I was dizzy from the crash but I could swear I saw the sand around him move. He just stared at me. "Are you okay?" I asked a bit more forcefully this time. I hope we didn't shake up his brain. He was focusing on my hand. He stood up on his own. I dropped my hand. He looked at me with piercing eyes and I felt my stomach flutter.

"I-I'm okay." He muttered, dropping his gaze, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you coming…"

"Kay!" I jump as I hear Hikura call my name. He sounded angry? Or maybe he was scared and hurting and just wanted help. I turn to him and run to his side. He was on his hands and knees watching me, flicking his eyes between me and the boy. "He alright?" Hikura asked when I got to him. I nod. He looks at my arm and sighs. "Damn it, that looks like it hurts." He looks up again and furrows his brows. I turn.

The boy is gone. He vanished without a sound. Didn't even come to see if Hikura was okay? Maybe he was hurt or just scared. Hikura stood up slowly and looked over to the bike. He rubbed the back of his neck and walked over to the bike. He picked it up and called me over. "Let's just…walk the rest of the way. We'll clean that up when we get in."

We start walking and the burn in my arm begins to escalate. I feel tears brim my eyes. Hikura sighed as we came around a corner. In front of us was a modest, square house. Hikura stepped up to the door and fished around in his pocket for a key. He pulled out a small silver key and jammed it into the door handle. He opened the door and called for his mom. He leaned the bike against the side of the house and picked me up. We walked in and we're greeted by a short, thin women with the same face as my mom's. Her sandy blonde hair was tied up in a tight bun and she wore panic on her face the moment I saw her.

"What happened?" Aunti Rini had a deeper voice then my mom. "Hikura, what did you do?"

"Ma, please. We just had a little accident around the block. She just needs to clean it." Auntie took me from Hikura's arms with a sigh. "I'll just go unload the bike" Auntie wasn't listening. She was busy inspecting me. He turned to walk back out the door. My Auntie took my down the stairs to a living room with a small tv. We turned down a hall and she opened a door at the end. It was a basic bathroom. She sat me on the counter and turned to fill the large tub.

"I'm okay, Auntie." I said, trying to smile like Hikura.

She turned to me. "I don't mean to worry you! I'll clean that up and give you a bath. How are you feeling Kaida? How is your breathing? Have you taken your pills?" I was taken aback by her line of questioning. A sense of dread fell on me. It may sound silly but while I was with Hikura, I didn't remember I was sick. I let my face drop as my Aunt began to clean my wound. It burned but I grit my teeth. She wiped down my face and told me to get undressed. She scooped some green salt from a glass jar and dropped it into the steaming tub.

"These are healing salts! Smells good, hu?" She smiled as I got undressed. "You must be so tired from that trip. You're such a sweet girl, Kaida."

"Um, Auntie?" Aunt Rini picked me up and gently lowered me into the steaming water. It felt good on my aching body. I held my arm out of the water. Salt would burn the wound but I don't think Aunt Rini thought about that. "My name is Kay."

Aunti Rini did not turn to look at me as she searched through the cabinet for a big fluffy towel. "That's nice dear. Get all clean and I'll make you some dinner." She set the towel on the counter and smiled down at me. She stood staring at me. I sank further into the tub. I'm sure she meant well but she was definitely… eccentric. We heard a large crash and Aunt Rini jumped. She whipped around and yelled for Hikura. She looked back at me and smiled, "Enjoy your bath, Kaida love." She walked out of the bathroom and closed the door. The whole experience was a whirlwind.

I look a deep breath and rested my cut-up arm on my head as I let my body relax in the water. So, this was it. This was cousin Hikura. I think I like him a lot. My Aunt Rini and my new home. Suna was warm and the air felt nice in my chest. This bath was nice. I was unsure how I felt other than tired. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the bath. I thought about the boy we ran over. How he wasn't even hurt and his bad manners. I thought of the way Hikura looked at him. He looked scared of something. I sighed. I thought of his piercing teal eyes and bright red hair. I liked his hair. I wondered if he was okay. I wondered if I was going to be okay. I'm sure I'll see him again. I tried to breathe through the unease in my belly.

"I am brave." I whispered. It didn't help this time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Welcome to Suna!

 _"_ _Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes."_

-Hugh Prather

I have been sick all of my life and I have had my family by my side since I can remember. My family supported me, when I was sick my grandma would make me tea and sing me songs while my mom and daddy worked. My daddy would carry me home when I was too tired to walk from the park and my mom did basically anything I asked. I liked being taken care of because it made me feel safe when I felt sick. When I didn't have a headache, or felt like I had energy, my family let me do things for myself.

I remember when I was little, I was sitting at home with my grandpa. I was coloring and decided that I wanted juice. I asked my grandpa and he told me to go get some. I told him that mom would get me juice when I asked. My grandpa grunted and told me that he was old and tired and "someday you'll need to learn to pour your own juice." I whined and he didn't budge so I got up. I walked to the fridge and looked to the top shelf. I yelled for my grandpa and he yelled back, "you can get your own juice." I whined again and he ignored me. I pulled over a chair from the table in the kitchen and climb up, trying to reach the bottle. I stretch out and try to grab it. I knock it. It topples to the ground and shatters. Bright orange liquid spread across the floor. I felt tears roll down my cheeks and I was frozen. Staring at the mess I made. My thoughts ran through my mind self-loathing creeped in and I felt I had failed. I heard my grandpa call from the other room. "Are you hurt?" I couldn't speak. "Kay? Are you hurt?" his voice was calm. "No." I say meekly. "Good" grandpa grunts. "Now clean up your mess and well head to the store."

I sniffle, "There's glass." Grandpa grunts. He walks into the kitchen and begins to pick up the glass. I move the chair back and soak up the juice with a towel. After we clean up, he wipes my eyes and we go to get more juice. He pours it for me. I'm not sure what my grandpa was trying to do. Teach me autonomy through failure or was he really too tired to get up and help me. He and my mom had an argument about it later that day. He said I wasn't a baby and my mom agreed. She just wanted me to be safe I guess. I had a point with this antidote I know I did. My family may have been overprotective but they tried to let me do things myself if I could. Dress and bathe myself, help cook dinner, brush my hair, and walk myself to the corner market and back. They loved and supported me.

I think my Aunt Rini loves me and supports me in her own way. She looks at me like a porcelain doll. After my bath, my aunt scooped me out of the water in a large fluffy towel. She tried to pull a brush through my hair but was met with tangles. I tried to tell her that she needed a comb but she would not listen. She lathered in leave in conditioner and began to untangle my thick locks with her fingers.

"It must be matted from all the travel." She said smiling. "You have beautiful hair! Let's fix it up."

I wince and try to hold back the yelps of pain as she tore through my thick hair. "A-actually, ack, actually my hair is, ow owww, my hair is really thick. Oww. Auntie, I usually use a comb, OW!" I yelled and my Aunt jumped. She apologized and began to pull my hair into a tight braid starting from the top of head. She lathered me in lotion while I tried to protest. The smell of artificial lavender burned my noise. I liked the smell of the dirt I had on me from the dessert. I felt uncomfortable being naked around her. We had just really met and she was treating me like I could not handle my own personal hygiene. She rewrapped me and carried me to the room next to the bathroom. It had creamed colored walls and thick grey carpet. A small bed was made with blankets and pillows, pushed up against a wall under a small window. There was a large wooden dresser on the side wall opposing a closet. My bags were on the floor. My aunt dressed me in a long-sleeved dress with a v-neck collar. I took this time to look at her. She looked like mom but with deeper lines around her face. She ad short dirty blond hair, pulled back into a tigh bun. She was heavier than my mom but I could tell they were related.

She made us dinner. We ate vegetable soup and crusty rolls. Hikura smiled at me from across the table. His face was cradled in his hand as he slowly spooned soup into my mouth. Aunt Rinni constantly wiped soup from my face. Hikura gave me a look that I couldn't interoperate. My Aunt meant well, I know she did but I felt all this weird pressure when she looked at me. Hikura went to bed after sneaking me an extra piece of bread. My aunt brought me to bed and sang me a song she said her mom would sing to her. I was able to fall asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. I dreamed about walking through the dessert with a bright red sun ahead of me.

I woke up the next day to my Aunt opening the curtains above my bed. "Good morning sunshine!" She planted a kiss on my forehead as I cringed away. She sighed and tried to pull the covers off of me. I moaned and tried to hold on. I had not realized how sore and tired I was until lying in bed was no longer an option. I was sleepily walked to the bathroom. My Aunt picked me up and sat me on the counter. She aggressively washed my face, pressing harder as I protested. I felt my face tighten as I dry it and realized my hair was still pulled into a tight braid. I whimpered as she took me off of the counter. I got dressed and went upstairs to the kitchen where I was greeted with a sickly, sweet smell. Auntie placed a bowl of hot oatmeal in front of me. It smelled like sugar and I saw flecks of dried fruit in it. I stuck my spoon in the bowl, lifted it, and watched the oatmeal drip back into the bowl like thick boogers. My aunt sat across from me with a hard-boiled egg and a cup of tea. I mixed the spoon in the oatmeal and looked up at my Auntie. She smiled softly. I turned to the empty chairs.

"Where is Hikura?" I ask I feel my voice rasp in my throat. Auntie was startled by my voice.

"Oh, Hikii had a mission. He left before the sun came up! He looked very tired but he insisted he couldn't let his team down." She rolled her eye. "I swear that child wouldn't stop working until he dropped dead unless I reminded him to take time off!" She chuckled and sipped her tea.

I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. I had only meet Hikura yesterday but I felt like something was missing without him. Like the world is a bit greyer than it was before. I stuck a spoonful of cinnamon boogers in my mouth to stave of tears. I felt a chill run down my body as I quickly swallowed the molten hot goo. I coughed and dropped the spoon back into the bowl. My aunt jumped up, mouth full of egg, and looked at me with panic in her eyes. I suppressed my cough and looked up to her.

"I don't like it." I said. She sagged back into her chair and closed her eyes. She swallowed and looked back at me.

"Well it's breakfast for today so you should try to eat it." She placed her elbows on the table as she finished her tea. After a brief silence and a few more painful spoons full, she looked up at me and sighed. "What would you like tomorrow?"

"Fried egg and fish." I stated plainly. My mom made it. It was a fried egg on top of some grilled fish and a pile of sticky white rice. My Auntie blinked at me and smiled. She nodded and stood, taking the bowl from me and handing me a mikan. I peeled it and savored the sour sweet taste.

"How about we go to the market and look at some food. Get some stuff you'd enjoy? Hm? Fill up the kitchen." My Aunt stood in front of me with a big smile that didn't reach her eyes. She lifted me out of the chair and wiped some juice from my chin. We both put on sandals and Auntie put scarf around my neck to "protect me from the sand and wind." I protested, I wanted to smell the dessert. Auntie wasn't having any of it.

The market was terrifying. Everything was loud. People shouted and pushed. The smell was overwhelming. Dead animals hung from windows and large fish sat on ice. Men threw them between each other, yelling out orders. Old women with aprons yelled numbers, traded paper money for dirty root vegetables, nuts, and dried fruits. Auntie hustled me along with a strong grip on my arm. I was pushed and trampled by people much larger than me hunting for the perfect dinner items. I tried to take it all in but my vision was blurred by tears; dirt was blowing in my eyes and I felt so overwhelmed. Visions of big open mouth fishes, angry faces, and chattering older women filled my mind as my Aunt dragged me from stall to stall. She asked me questions, picked me up and asked me to point to what I wanted. I could only answer in nods. I don't remember what I asked for. I found myself trying to focus on breathing, slowing my heart beat in the chaos of the market around me. This was so different from the market in Kohnana; I remember that market being more open, slower paced. It smelled of baked goods, dried tea, and flowers. My grandmother would take me, hold my hand lightly and we'd buy tea leaves together. This was not the same market as my home. It made me miss my grandmother. By the time we returned to the house, brown paper bags in hand, I was exhausted. I wavered, standing and watching Auntie buzzing around the kitchen, putting away the fresh fish, snacks, and meats. I sucked in air as I tried to stop myself from blacking out. I felt tears run down my face as I was suddenly so aware of how tired I was. I missed my village. I missed my family. A nagging part of my brain said I missed Hikura. My head hurt from the braid and the scarf was making me sweat. I sniffed and looked up to my aunt who had finally stopped chatting long enough to look at me.

"Oh, honey! Oh no!" She kneeled down to me and wiped my eyes. She started to unwrap the scarf from me. "What is bothering you? Are you hurting? Is it your heart?"

I sniffed. "I'm really tired. The market was scary." I mumbled. She sighed and cupped my face. I didn't find it comforting. I felt like she was holding her breath until I stopped crying. I bite my lip. "I-I'm going to take a nap." She let go of my face and stood. I walked off quickly to my bed room and curled up on my premade bed. I guess she snuck in to make the blankets when I wasn't looking. I fell asleep and didn't dream. I woke up to darkness with the smell of meat filling the room. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I turned to the ray of light shining through the crack in my door. I walked out of the room, up the stairs and sat at the dinner table. A very large man sat across from me. He seemed to dwarf everything in the room. I looked at him, wide eyed. He had thick brown hair and a thick beard. He was reading a newspaper, tiny glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His eyes flashed up to me and a huge smile spred across his face. He looked like Hikura when he smiled. He gently took off his glasses and reached his huge hand over the table to me. I slowly reached up to meet his grip and he shook a wave into my whole body with his hand shake.

"My young niece! I heard you had a busy day today." Uncle Montaro beamed at me. He released my hand as Aunt Rini placed bowls of miso soup on the table. She gave Uncle a side plate of grilled and skewered beef. My Aunt and I sat with bowls of soup in front of us. She seemed softer with Uncle Monta here. (He insisted I call him that) We eat and listen to a recap of his most recent mission. He was also a Jonin but he worked mostly on foreign diplomacy and negotiations. I ate my soup and smiled when I was supposed to. I was still feeling tired. After dinner, I asked Auntie to take out my braid. She protested at first but eventually brought me to the bathroom. She pulled and brushed, she yanked and attempted to untangle my thick hair from the knots and twists. She jerked my head back and I yelped in pain. I felt the tears roll down my face. I couldn't help it. It felt like she was ripping my hair out by the roots. She apologized constantly, her voice dripping with guilt. I hiccupped and swallowed back mucus.

"I-I don't like braids…" I whimpered after she untangled the last few strands. She sighed.

"I understand, tomorrow we'll go get some combs." She said quietly, massaging my scalp. I know she felt bad. She didn't mean to hurt me. Part of me felt superior, part of me wanted to tell her 'I told you so.' I pushed out a ragged breath. I put on the clothes I slept in the night before, curled up under my blanket and turned to face the wall. I felt my Aunt watch me from the side of the bed. She sighed and turned, leaving the door ajar behind her.

"Auntie can you please close the door?" I heard her shift her weight from one foot to another.

"Are you sure? I want to be able to hear you…" I heard the strain in her voice.

"Okay." I placed the pillow over my head to block out the light. I hear her walk away. My scalp was sore and my chest felt tight. I took in deep breaths, held it, and let go slowly. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I dreamed about talking fish having a drink with my grandparents.

The next day was better. The sun shined through the curtains as I slowly opened my eyes. I heard wind blow sand grains lightly against the glass. I heard the whistle of a kettle as I sat up in my bed. I scooted out of the bed, hearing the springs squeak with my movements. I rubbed my eyes and pushed my hair out of my face as I made my way up the stairs. I was met with the bright light from the windows and the bustling sound of my Auntie washing dishes. The smell of eggs and grilled fish made my stomach growl. I tried to speak but felt my voice catch. The first words of the day don't always come out smoothly. I cleared my throat and my Auntie turned to me, surprised.

"Is Uncle Monta at work?" I asked, I felt my voice rasp in my throat. I coughed again.

My Auntie turned off the sink and smiled. "Yes, did you sleep okay? Here, come sit I'll get you something to eat!" She motions me to sit at the table. She pushes me in and turns to hurriedly make me a plate. I twist in my seat to watch her pile grilled fish onto rice; she cracks an egg onto a simmering hot pan. She sprinkled red and black and white and grey flakes on the egg, slide it on top of the fish and rice, and placed it in front of me. She blew on it quickly and turned to get me a spoon. The steam warmed my face and woke me. I used the spoon to cut the egg, spilling yellow yoke onto the fish. I stuck the spoon to the bottom of the bowl scooping up rice and yoke soaked fish. I held it up to my eye, blew on it, and stuck the spoon in my mouth. It was so hot but I held it in my mouth. As the searing burn wore off, I tasted it. It tasted like char and rich yoke and the spices and it tasted like home. I swallowed and felt tears run down my cheeks. I continued to shovel the food into my mouth, savoring the taste at first, imagining I was sitting across from my daddy and grandmother. I started to eat faster, feeling like I couldn't get enough in. Like if, somehow, I ate enough food that tasted like home, I'd be back in my house with my family.

"Oh dear! Kaida, what's wrong?" I looked up from the bowl I had shoved my face into. I was still in Suna with my Aunt sitting across from me. I put down my bowl and spoon and wiped off the rice I felt stuck to the side of my face. My cheeks were wet.

"I, uh," I was surprised. I didn't realize I had cried so much. I sniffed. "It's just, this tasted like how my mom made it."

"It is my mother's favorite recipe." She stood, smiling lightly. She took my bowl from me and turned to wipe my face with a damp rag. "You really are a very emotional little girl. You cry so often!" She giggled and pulled my chair away from the table. I felt my stomach flip flop. I suddenly felt so aware of how much I had been crying the past few days. I usually don't cry this much. I think. Maybe I do?

As I pondered my emotional vulnerability, my Aunt walked with me to my room. She helped me unpack my bags, noting how I did not have enough clothes fit for the dessert weather. She said it was unpredictable. Really hot to really cold to really windy. She decided we would take the afternoon to shop for new clothes and hair care products for me. I tried to tell her to call me Kay again. She didn't listen.

We went into town and shopped for a few hours. She bought me thick sweaters, thin cotton leggings, T-shirts in tans, maroons, and greys, flowing dresses, and a poncho with a large raised collar. She even let me pick a few shirts and a dress I liked. I picked out new pj's and a thin blue blanket. Blue remined me of Daddy's clan colors. On the way back to the house, we stopped in a small restaurant. She told me about her job: she filed, copied, submitted, and organized paper work for the Kazakage's office just like her mother did. She told me about my grandmother: she's dead. I asked her about Hikura: she frowned and said she loved him but he tests her patients. She told me about her other son: she missed him. We ate our dumplings quietly. I told her about how my mom was: she looked distant.

We returned home, bellies full. I took another bath and my Auntie redressed my scrapes and lathered thick cream into my hair. She first tried to comb my greased-up hair with a comb, but after she realized she was losing to the tangles, she resorted to her fingers. I put on a cotton T-shirt dress and she wrapped my hair into a loose bun. My uncle came home and greeted me with a smile and a hug. He told me Hikura was coming home in the morning. I felt a relief wash over me. I missed him. It felt like I was living in strangers' home without him there. I felt out of place.

"How about we go for a walk?" He pulled my Auntie into a tight embrace. She smiled and looked down to me.

"Dear, I think Kaida may be too tired to walk. It's cold out this time of night and she was out all afternoon and-" I cut her off.

"I'm okay. Let's go out!" I looked up to my Aunt and Uncle. She looked worried and he blinked with surprise. I guess he hadn't heard me speak up much since I'd been here. I added a "please" to my statement, hoping it could sway my Aunt. She always seemed so worried, like at any moment I would fall apart in front of her. She sighed and reluctantly agreed to a short walk. I smiled and hugged her legs. I wanted to see Suna at night. My mom told me that the village lights up at night and the stars were plentiful. I pulled on my sandals and the new poncho. We left the house side by side and headed into the village center.

Lanterns strung across the streets glowed a warm light, inviting you to walk along the dirt paths, tempting you to enter the packed restaurants and bars. Light poured out onto the streets, reds and yellows. Music and laughter flowed through the streets. People spoke as they walked by, the smell of sand and wind mixed with beer and charcoal. I feel my face ache; I couldn't stop smiling. I suck in the cold air, filling my chest until it ached too. I bound in front of my Aunt and Uncle, taking in the noise, the faces around me. Some people smiled, some laughed, some looked angry or determined to get to where they needed to go. Most people looked tired. The people of Suna were less friendly then those of Konoha, less talkative. But the looks of the villages at night were the same. Villages come alive at night. And I couldn't help but feel a burning in my chest. A new admiration for this village was forming as I walked through these streets. As I smelled the air and listened to the people laugh. I felt large hands grab my waist as I am lifted from the ground. I panic before realizing it was Uncle Monta, placing me on his shoulders. My Auntie smiled and pointed up to the sky. I leaned back and looked up to the sky. The dessert sky was pitch black over the glow of the streets. The sky was speckled with glistening stars, studded with shooting stars and dazzling smears of cosmic pathways. I feel my breath leave me as I admire the beauty of the dessert's night sky. I giggle as my Uncle's steps bounce me along the road, looking over the people in the streets, reading signs of restaurants at my eye level. I notice a particularly simple sign and gasp. I tap my uncle's head.

"Look look!" I say, leaning forward and pointing towards the small sign above a simple window in a wall. "Ice creaaaaaam!" I say, drawing out the word. I look down to my Auntie and smile. "I haven't had any in so long! My mom said it was good here! She said that they use salt in the dessert to make it ice cream." I feel my Uncle laughing underneath me and my Aunt giggled at my enthusiasm. Did I say something silly? I feel my face flush.

"I don't know Kaida…" My Aunt started.

"Pleaaaaase?" I beg, pressing my hands together. I really wanted some ice cream.

She sighed and caved into my pleading. My Uncle placed me back on the ground and I took my Aunt's hand to pull her to the shop I had saw. We shared a cup of vanilla ice cream as we walked back through the streets to our house. It was sweet and creamy and had a hint of salt left over with each taste. Mom was right.

We returned home to a dark house and I walked down the stairs to my bedroom. I changed into my new pj's and bound up the stairs to my aunt and uncle sitting at the kitchen table. They looked tired. They both turned to look at me.

"Thank you for the walk. I feel ready for bed." I said looking up at them. My aunt slowly got up, stopping to kiss my uncle on the forehead and mumble in his ear.

"Okay dear, let's wash up." We walked down stairs. She aggressively washed my face again. I did not protest. I don't think her attempts to care for me were intended to be so overly aggressive; I think she just didn't want to be guilty of not caring for me well enough. Even her look of concern pieced me.

I brushed my teeth, undid my bun to her displeasure, and walked back to my bed. I wrapped myself in my new blanket, sniffing the funny smell of new fabric, and flopped onto the bed. My aunt giggled and sat on the bed with me. She tucked me in and pet my head.

"Are you feeling tired, dear?"

"A little. But not like sick. Just tired. I'd tell you if I felt sick tired." I looked up at her. "I had a good day."

"I'm glad to hear it." She smiled lightly and leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "I hope it's starting to feel a bit more like home."

"A little." I said "I still miss my mom and daddy. Can I write them a letter tomorrow?"

"Yes of course." She stood "We'll go to the park tomorrow. After breakfast and only if you're feeling up to it. Hikura will be happy to see you looking well rested. Sleep well." She walked to the door way and turned back to me. "I hope you're happy here, Kaida. I'm glad you're here." She clicked off the lights. She walks out leaving the door wide open. The light from the stair well shines into my room. I sigh. Maybe Auntie will trust me enough one night to leave the door closed. I don't get up to close it. I don't want her to be upset with me. I roll over to face the wall and close my eyes. I drift to sleep thinking of the stars glistening above my head and the noise of Suna after dark.

I hear soft foot steps and the creak of a door. A light flashes on and off. My eyes flutter open as I listen to the rustling noise behind the wall by the foot of my bed. The grey of the morning before sunrise greeted me. The shuffling of a bag and the squeaks of a mattress ripped through the soft silence of the early morning. I sat up and listened. I saw a shadow pass across my bedroom doorway and heard the bathroom sink start to run. I slip out of bed and peak around the corner. Hikura turns the corner out of the bathroom, his face pressed into a towel. I stepped into the hall to greet him. He bumped into me, whipping the towel from his face and jumping back quickly.

"Oh god." He relaxed when he was able to finally look at me. My vision was blurred and I felt my heart thump in my chest. "You scared the hell out of me. I forgot you were here. Oh god." He sucked in deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Me too." I said quietly. We both looked at each other. It was dark. It felt awkward. Maybe my memory of him was better than reality.

"Okay," he stepped toward me and placed a hand on my head, "It's very early. You should get back to bed." I look up at him and he smiles. He looks so tired. His face was sunken in and the shadows fell strangely across his face. His eyes were glazed over.

"Okay" I said, stepping back into my room, "Hikura?" He turned back to me before heading into his own room next to mine. "I missed you." I said quietly.

His smile widened and he walked back to me, kneeling down to scoop me up in his arms. "I missed you too." He squeezed me. I hugged him back. I felt a sense of safety, like when my daddy hugged me tight. He walked me back to my room and sat me into my bed. He stood up and sighed. "It's been a long few days, Kay. I'm sorry, but I am really tired." He sighed again. "I'll see you later today." He turned to walk out of the room. "Do you want the door open or closed?"

I smiled. I remembered why I liked him. "Closed, please." He shuts the door and I lay back into my bed.

Maybe not every part of this new place feels like home. The people are different, more stoic, but they still find time to smile. My Uncle is big and soft spoken. My Auntie is overbearing but in a way I can handle for now. Hikura remembers to call me Kay and will take time to put my back to bed even when he is exhausted. He asks me what I want. I liked the smell of the dessert and the way the ice cream tastes like salt. The stars are beautiful. Maybe this village in the dessert, in its own way, can be home too.


End file.
